I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i dont even know how to be here
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
