I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
