'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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