That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
