I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
