I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
