biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
