Having a random hookup so left but love u
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
