i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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