You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
