Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
