can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
