Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
