i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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