She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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