Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize