i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
