Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
