While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
