I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The adults are the big ones right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
