oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
