oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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