i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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