found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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