i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
