I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
