yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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