just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
