When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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