Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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(904): View more from Florida

he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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(361): View more from Texas

I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?

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(516): View more from New York

I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.

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(585): View more from New York

So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?

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(415): View more from California

You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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(384): View more from

So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.

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(813): View more from Florida

It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?

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