True but thats because hes a fetus.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
