it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
