i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
