I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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