i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize