these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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