We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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