im six kinds of drunk right now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
