all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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