I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize