All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
