GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize