sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
