So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
