There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
