I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
