brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize