girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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