Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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