So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
