BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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