Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
