I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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