Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
