now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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