You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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