allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
