If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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