while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
