ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
