Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
