He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
