I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
