I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
