When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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