guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
