I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
