so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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