I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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