the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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