Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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