You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
