"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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