i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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