I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
