i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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