who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
