I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
