dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
