I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
