I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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