Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
