I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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