Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
