I think my fart just growled at me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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