i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
