i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
